...and in with the new.

Before we begin I ask that you bear with this one until the end... I promise not  to ramble for long   ;-)


What to say about 2010?


I was evaluating 2010 today, and numerous times came to the computer to write my final blog of 2010... only to stare at the cursor and go do something else. I mean this year has been such a strange, terrible, wonderful, confusing, clarifying roller coaster that I had no idea where to begin and definitely didn't know where I wanted it to end... and the idea of coming up with a coaching question? Forget about it!


So, instead, I am going to make a confession to you. Yes to you, but only if you promise to keep it between us. My "blogs" have taken on a direction that isn't exactly what I intended when I started.


Dictionary.com defines a blog (weblog) as a journal, written on-line and accessible to users of the internet. I started blogging with a plan. I was going to start getting my feet wet with some personal observations and eventually grow into this journal where I gave social commentary on politics and issues of culture and society, and all of these grand topics... I mean believe me, I have opinions on all of it, just ask me... cultural bias? political hypocrisy? Social injustice? Spiritual growth? I have an opinion... It was going to be a MUST read blog, hey maybe I could be a staff writer for some blog site some day! LOL...


But somehow, Once I started writing about my journey, and the people in my life started responding, I found how my opinions on those matters might make for a great debate over lattes at Starbucks, but that my voice, and my extension my blog, was much more personal... that I was comfortable just sitting in front of my computer and just talking to whoever was reading like I was talking to a friend... saying "hey, this is what I'm going through and how I got through it or I'm getting through it... this is how I see the world I live in, my personal world... I know I'm not alone and maybe these words can help."


That's what I've tried to share since I started this year... and what a year it's been...

• A year of great loss (I can't tell you how much I miss you Rain), and great victories. 
• A year where steps forward felt like steps backwards until I got some clarity. 
• A year of joy and pain, uncertainty and yet security. 
• A year where I had the joy of watching my daughter grow up in some major ways and the sadness of watching my daughter grow up in some major ways. AND had the joy of singing with her and my wife in a public forum for the very first time.
• A year where I have been blessed with health for me and mine, and yet have had to pray and deal with serious illnesses of others close to my heart.
• A year of making new friends (shout out to the Boone peeps and the Dayton fam), reconnecting with old friends (Thank you FB), deepening relationships with some and learning that some people you just need to cut out of your life.
• A year of learning; of developing new skills and strengths and building upon old ones.
• REALLY... If I were to try to list all that 2010 was, a REALLY long blog would become even longer.

I look forward to 2011 with excitement, anticipation, wariness and a little trepidation... for it promises to be a year of growth, learning, focus of vision and direction and more changes... AND MY BABY STARTS MIDDLE SCHOOL.

To those who have been following this blog, I really hope it has been helpful, intellectually and spiritually stimulating or, at the very least, entertaining... I hope you'll stay with me... this is definitely going to be a year to write about.

For those of you just entering the esvbrainstorm... I hope you'll come back...and let me know what you think. Really... good or bad... I invite and welcome all input.

HAPPY, HEALTHY, WONDERFUL, PROSPEROUS, BLESSED, FULFILLED NEW YEAR!

Oh yeah, a coaching question:

How can looking back (without getting trapped there) at the year before, prepare you for the year ahead? How are you getting ready to grow in 2011?


Be safe.

...Then HE smiled at ME!

I LOVE Christmas music. I mean LOVE. I sometimes get into a mood and listen to it during the Summer. There's something about the joy, the happiness, and in many cases the worship involved in Christmas music that moves me any time of the year. That being said, I never fully appreciated The Little Drummer Boy, which is funny since I am a Drummer and a singer, until this year.

I don't know why that is. I guess musically it's always been kind of in the middle... none of the reverent solemnity of a Silent Night or O Holy Night... none of the joy and happiness of a Joy to the World or playfulness of a Jingle Bells... or the Romanticism of an I'll be Home for Christmas or Blue Christmas or the irreverent zaniness of an I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas or Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer. It was just... there.

Then we did a variety show at our church. The band was doing an instrumental version of The Little Drummer Boy, and I was playing drums. During rehearsal at one point, I started singing the pieces of the lyrics that I knew, and the band director asked me if I could sing the song as I drummed. He thought it would sound "cool" and be dramatic that the DRUMMER was singing the DRUMMER BOY.

I then went and learned the words to the song. I was so surprised at the fact that I never realized what a journey the song was, and how it can be symbolic of all of our journeys.

In a nutshell, it is the story of a poor boy, who is invited to go see the newborn King and told that everyone is bringing their finest gifts. He says that he is a poor boy who has no gift fit to give a king and asks Mary if he can play for Him on his drum. Mary agrees, and the boy plays his very best. As a result, the baby Jesus smiles at him and his drum.

How often in life, have I looked at who I am, at all of my faults, and limitations, and failures, and felt unworthy of His love, mercy, grace and favor. How often have I said "no" to doing things because I'm not good enough, or I've been told by those around me that those are not my strengths, or fear of failing, or a zillion other reasons or excuses that I can put up.

Who am I that the King would come, that, as my Pastor quoted, that the infinite would become an infant... for ME? ME!?!?! REALLY!?!?!

But the truth is that He never asks me for anything that I can't give. He never asked me to be anything other than who I am and to love Him and do MY very best. Not to compare my gifts to anyone else's, or my success rate or my talents, but just to be and do MY best.

Oprah Winfrey was recently quoted as saying that her prayer to God daily was "use me until you use me up." Say what you want about her and feel however you do ( I am admittedly not a fan of many of the things she has said and believes) how amazing a prayer is that? It is something that I have added to my daily devotions. "Lord, please use me until you use me up."

Take everything that I am and everything that I have and use it for whatever purpose or design that you have for me... for I have been blessed to be a blessing. The scripture says "To whom much is given, much is required." What do you require of me?

There is an OLD gospel song that says "I'm yours Lord, everything I have, everything I am, everything I'm not. I'm yours Lord, try me now and see, see if I can be completely yours."

What always gets me is "everything I'm not." I will bring what I have and not condemn or belittle myself for what I do not have to give.

If we can realize that; if we can see that he does not require gold or frankincense or myrrh from those who do not have it, but simply that we play for Him and play OUR best for Him... then HE will smile at us and our gift.

HE will SMILE at ME!!! HE will SMILE at YOU!!! What a gift to be smiled at by the King, for in His smile we find favor and peace and grace and mercy... EVERY GOOD AND PERFECT GIFT!

What do YOU have to bring to the King?

Picking up A FENCE.

I have a confession to make. Last week, I picked up an offense. Now, you might ask, "Do you mean someone offended you?" and a part of me still wants to say "Yes, someone did something that hurt my feelings and offended me, and at the same time I was really, really mad and really, really sad," but, the truth of the matter is that, even though there is some truth to that statement, it doesn't really tell the whole story.

But that's how it works isn't it? You get upset about something, rightfully or wrongfully, and as a result, you give all the blame, all the fault, all the wrong doing to the offender. The problem with that is that when you do that, you also give them all the power. The power to hurt you, the power to control the tone or rhythm of your day, the power to control your emotions, and in some cases to control your effectiveness, efficiency and things as basic as your ability to eat (or stop eating) or sleep. That's a lot of power to give to someone, especially when, if the fault was unintentional, you're giving them power they don't want, and if it IS intentional, you're giving them power they don't deserve.

The truth of the matter is YOU have the power. I was studying scripture on the subject and found something interesting. The Bible does talk about offending others, but it NEVER talks about "being" offended or "getting" offended, but rather about TAKING offense. There is a major difference there. You see, when you "are" or "get" offended, you are using a passive form of the verb... you aren't active, you don't do things, but rather, things happen TO you. When you TAKE offense, you are doing the work. You are making the decision about whether or not you are going to let this thing get to you and you are going to surrender your power and GIVE it or them authority over you.

I named this post "picking up a fence" because when we take offense we do pick up a fence. We pick up an emotional fence that separates us from peace, and joy, and effectiveness, and wholeness.

Does that mean we are never going to take up an offense. Of course not, we're human. Things will get to us. We just need to have a healthy and honest perspective about what that means and who is REALLY in control.

Who has control over your emotions in YOUR life?

My Christmas Tree

We went out and got our Christmas tree today. It's a pretty, 7 foot Fraser Fir. 


As we picked it out, I got to thinking of everything it took for that tree to make it to my house.


First it had to grow. It's Eight years old if we counted the rings correctly. Eight years of sitting in the forest or in the tree farm, just growing. Not standing out. Not covered in shiny lights. Nobody looking at it, amazed by its beauty and significance. Just growing. Actually being passed over year after year, until it was ready to be chosen.


From there it had to be cut down and moved. Moved to a new place. Probably not under the most gentle of methods taken to a new place where it had to wait. I wonder how many families walked past this tree, looked at it and moved on before selecting another tree. How many times the tree had been rejected before my wife, daughter and I walked up and said "This is the one."


Next it got trimmed. About an inch was cut off from the bottom, so that it could absorb water better, and some of the bottom branches removed to allow it to fit into the stand, the place where I planned to place it.


From there it got wrapped up and taken on another journey, this one to my home. Where it was placed in its stand and given water. 


Soon it will be decorated and brightly lit. Inspiring, no doubt, long gazes as we sit in front of it sipping hot chocolate and listening to Christmas Carols (we really do that at my house). 


Christmas morning it will be the setting, the backdrop, the centerpiece, as we open our gifts and create Christmas memories.


Quite a journey! But every step was necessary for it to fulfill its destiny. Cut it down too soon and it will never reach the height it needed to be. Don't put it out there and my family never would have found it. Don't trim it and it will dry up all to quickly. Don't take the time to decorate it and it will never shine.


Kind of like us. Sometimes we get so frustrated with where we are, with the lack of progress that we see, with the stage that we are in, that we fail to understand that this is a part of the process. The Scriptures say in Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.


All things. He knows the end from the beginning, and HE is in control of all things, so if I can just trust in HIM, then I know that whatever I am going through it is a part of HIS plan and so I don't need to worry. I can be fulfilled and live a sort of "discontented contentment" as I walk through this hour into my future. If things are good then that's GREAT, I can celebrate how good HE has been; if things are less than perfect, than I know that HE is getting me ready for something great and so I can rest in HIM.

Maybe you're shining right now. If so, I rejoice with you. Maybe you are sitting in the forest and growing. Maybe you are in the tent, bursting with ambition and waiting for someone to pick you. Maybe you are getting some things cut out of your life, so you can better fit and succeed in HIS plan. Wherever you are, it's NEVER the worst case scenario, so realize that every stage has a purpose.

Ask David, annointed King, yet for years shepherding sheep, then errand boy then wanted fugitive, every step preparing him for his destiny.
Ask Moses, chosen liberator and leader, raised in the enemies house, then wanted murderer, then shepherd, then rebel, every step bringing him closer to his calling.
Ask Joseph, betrayed by family, sold into slavery, and imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit on his way to greatness.
Ask the Christmas tree standing proudly in my living room. It could tell you.

What are you learning from your process?